The Book Of Shakron 1.The Old Bit 2.The New Bit 3.Shakron's Remix 1. The Old Bit 1.1*Mondays 1.2*Breakfast 1.3*Lunch 1.4*Dinner 1.5*Fridays 2. The New Bit 2.1*Consider The Bean 2.2*Shakron's Disciples 2.3*The Way Of The Flamingo 2.4*The Seven Quests Of Beardo 2.5*Nirvana 3. Shakron's Remix 3.1*Stuph 3.2*Fly Fly Mr Cheesecake 3.3*The Inside Of An Egg 3.4*Ultimate Pen 3.5*That one with the guy from that film. You know, the one with the hair. No, not Dick Van Dyke! He's dead now! You know, the one! With that thing on his whatchamacallit! Noooooo, THE ONE!!! Married to that blonde, one with the motorcycle. No, not Elvis, he's too... wait! Did you see that program on the other day? The one about Evil impersonators! You didn't? It was soooo funny, there was this one guy, looked like whathisname? You know, the one.... 1.1 Mondays It is known that the Monday is the beginning. The start, the opposite of the end. What better time to create the universe than a Monday? Especially Monday morning. It is said that one can truely feel in touch with the meaning of life by simply waking up on a Monday morning. Shakron's week always began with a Monday. On this day every week, Shakron held the ceremony of The Beginning. Details for the ceremony of The Beginning are as follows: *Ceremony of The Beginning *Ingridients: 1 Monday morning (from 5:00am to 11:00am to allow for late wakers) 4 Pieces of toast (browned on BOTH sides, not rubbery) Jam (amount depends on the ritual holder's preferance, although Shakron used about 3 tablespoons of strawberry) A knife (all cutlery must comply to the Code Of Silverware, as unapproved knifes as considered as weapons, which are disallowed at the Table Of Eating) Plate (or a bowl, if all the plates are still festering in the kitchen sink) Table Of Eating (This has to be a special table, blessed by a Shakron Priest, by baptising the four legs in Jam) Once all the ingridients have been gathered, the ritual is performed by eating jam on toast (in a holy way). The ritual prepares the follower for the rest of the week (but in most cases only until lunchtime) by providing all that Jammy Goodness. Shakron did rise from his holy bed (at 10:57am) and did eateth the jam on toast. Thus his body was provided with vitamins and minerals and fibre and protein and carbohydrate and FAT and jam. He did say unto the jam on toast "Jam on toast, you are the most holy meal one could ask for at 10:57am on a Monday morning. Thou shalt become known as the ritual of The Beginning. I want jam." 2.2 Shakron's Disciples On his travels, Shakron did meet many people. Out of the thousands he touched (not litterally, beacuse that would be disgusting, and probably illeagal), there were several who Shakron felt could help him on his journey. Individuals who were strong of heart and pure of driving liscence points. These people became now as Shakron's Disciples, and they were dragged into this mess by Shakron and his talk of a 'Promised Land' (which was a place where alchopops flowed like water, the winters brought snow made of peanut butter, and where boy bands were classified as hunting game). Shakron gathered a total of eight disciples, named here in order of discovery: *Beardo (The Technician) *Jimi Hendix (The Guitarist) *Samuel L. Jackson (The Brother) *Jarvis Cocker (The 'Hey... Chill' Guy) *Keanu Reeves (He can run on walls) *Vera (She is old) *Jim (The One) *Kurt Kobain (The Dead One) The first person Shakron met was Beardo, an IT technician from Finham Park School. He came unto Shakron and said "Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing? Get away from that PC!" Shakron placed his hand on Beardo's shoulder (Which caused Beardo to say "eww"), and said "Be calm my friend, do you not perceive the e-mail I am trying to send? Thou must witness the wonders of modern technolgy. Can you not comprehend the wonderous ethernet LAN with TCP/IP and IPX protocols?" Beardo was taken aback at Shakron's knowledge of networks. He quoted the famous works of the Prophet Fla, chapter 17 verse 2 "I don't care where your hand is! I want you to eat gravy!" Shakron was impressed with Beardo and his studies of the prophets, so decided to invite Beardo on his quest to find "The One". Beardo would only accept his offer if Shakron offered payment, but Shakron simply replied "My friend, I shall take thee to the promised land, where there are no laws about building sattelite dishes out of biscuit tins and frogs." Thus Beardo descided to travel along with Shakron. "Where will we go?" He asked. "To wherever the 12A bus takes us!" Shakron led Beardo out, and this is where his journey to a slimmer figue began.